A Birth Story: To Early To Soon
WARNING: This post may contain TMI (To much information)! If you are a male or get grossed out easily then you may want to stop reading now! I'm warning you, go NO futher!
WARNING: If you're pregnant DO NOT READ! Mama go surround yourself with positive birth stories, surround yourself in the beauty of birth and labour.
Dearest Friends,
WARNING: If you're pregnant DO NOT READ! Mama go surround yourself with positive birth stories, surround yourself in the beauty of birth and labour.
Dearest Friends,
When I was 21 years old I stopped having my period. After a few months I decided to look into why. What would cause me to stop having my period!?! After many medical tests, thyroid, diabetes and more no one had answers as to why I stopped having a period or if it would return. All they could tell me was that I wouldn't be able to have children. They wanted to run more tests but it had been months already and still no answers so I decided no more. I felt it was in God's hands. If I was meant to have children then it would happen if not then I was meant to adopt. Either way I was at peace with it all. Bonus was that I rather enjoyed not having my period. š
That all changed when I moved from Alaska to Tennessee at the age of 23. I was at my heaviest weight of 220lbs and decided to try out the Atkins diet with my Bestie the summer I moved to Tennessee which was way back in 2003. My body loved the Atkins diet! My bestie however had constant headaches so had to stop it. š We bought season passes to Dollywood that summer and spent all summer there. Pounds started dropping off! I lost 20lbs in no time and by the time I reached 190lbs lo and behold my period returned!š³ I was floored! The only possible explanation was that it all had to do with my weight. Being over weight caused my period to stop. Once I started losing it came back.š³š My oh my what a blessing it was to not have a period for almost two years and what a bigger blessing that it returned.ššš
I thought since my period returned having my own kids would not be a problem. In 2007 I met the man God intended for me. It was love, the sparks flew the night we met, it was so much more then I ever imagined. We had some rough patches as some of our beliefs differed but God...God's grace saw us through. He proposed on March 16, 2008 and we were married December 20, 2008. We were each others firsts, both virgins on our wedding day (my husband would shoot me if he knew I spilled the beans so mum is the word!š¤«) and although we knew we wanted kids we also knew we weren't ready to have them yet so I started birth control using the NuvaRing. In 2010 I stopped using the NuvaRing as we were ready to start our family. Something we thought would happen in no time found us floundering when months went by and still we weren't pregnant. We bought books, read and researched. We kept track of when I was ovulating, my temperature and more. I'd hold my legs up in the air for long periods of time, we tried all kinds of positions, and still nothing. It was disheartening for us both but I think more so for Robert. I knew he wanted children of his own, he already had a name picked out for the little girl he'd have someday. He picked out that name long before we ever met. Me...I was worried more then anything. What if I couldn't have kids?! Would he still want me? Would he divorce me? Would he have married me if we knew then what we didn't know until now?! I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to give him the kids he wanted. Deep down I was okay with not having my own kids as in the back of my mind there was always adoption. I've always wanted to adopt as they're so many kids without parents, a home and love. Robert on the other hand has never had any inclination to adopt. Where did that leave us? We were tired of trying, stressed and our sex life was becoming monotonous. š We both agreed no more, if it happens it happens and if not that's fine to. It had to be fine, it just had to. New Years Eve 2011 found us having fun and enjoying the festivities. š
This is us circa 2011! šš
January 2012 -I knew, I absolutely knew the moment of implantation. I felt the egg implanting on my uterus, the very moment of attachment. It was painful so much so I took an advil because at the time I didn't realize what was happening. The pain continued into the next day and I spotted a bit. We knew then that I might have been pregnant but with the spotting we thought a miscarriage was under way. My husband picked up a pregnancy test and WOW, OH WOW, how I still recall the moment the two pink lines showed up telling me I was pregnant!! I was over the moon!! I googled the pain I had felt and found out it was the egg attaching to the uterus. My husband however was still thinking a miscarriage and thought it to soon to take a pregnancy test. So I took another one the next day and it came back positive. šš My husband suggested we wait a week then take another one so I did and it came back NEGATIVE! WHAT!?! It just couldn't be! How could I have lost my baby!?! I was pregnant!! How could it be over so quickly, was it the advil!?! WHAT DID I DO!?!ššš I couldn't stop crying. I was over the top emotional. I didn't understand how I could be pregnant one day and not the next. Why was I so emotional over something I thought I'd be okay with not having!?! My husband did this best to console me and told me the good news is that I WAS pregnant! Meaning it could happen again! I know he was doing his best to make me feel better but I wanted the one I felt attach to me, the birth of life just starting inside of me. It wasn't fair! Why would God finally open my womb and allow the attachment only for it to end like this?! How does this reflect HIM at work? Where is HIS glory in all this?! For I know all things worketh to HIS glory even in the midst of hardship and pain but good golly I was so sad. It wasn't like I was six months along just a week but to come so close, to know that I had gotten pregnant was everything. All I could do was pray. Pray and cry. That following week I took another pregnancy test as I had one left in the cupboard so why not. It came back POSITIVE!š³š What was going on? Was I still pregnant?! My emotions were high. I was a wreck.šš¬š I had my husband bring home another box of tests on his way home and two more tests later confirmed I was indeed still pregnant!! I was PREGNANT!! I was on cloud 9!! My husband was hopeful, wanting to believe and yet afraid that maybe I wasn't. One doctor appointment later confirmed I was indeed pregnant and our babies birthday would be in October 2012! Our spirits, soared with thankfulness at God's grace!ā¤ļøšš
We decided we wanted an at home birth experience and chose a Midwife an hour away. We were unable to find a Midwife that was closer to us so we figured this was our first birth and usually first timers labour quite awhile so the hour away would be fine. We also chose not to find out the gender of our baby but to be surprised at birth. I love surprises and it seemed like the ultimate surprise gift. Like when you see all the presents under the tree but have to wait until Christmas to reveal what's inside. š Yes, it's not easy to shop because who in the world wants gender neutral when you can know and pick out the cutest outfits! That part was sooo hard. I bought a little white lamb rattle at Tractor Supply and a gorgeous faux fur white lamb rug in Gatlingburg, TN as it would work for both boy and girl. Those were the only two items I bought during the course of my pregnancy.
While I was finishing up my last few months of earning my Associates Degree and going to Culinary School, which was a two hour drive from where I lived, my husband was still in Chiropractic School at Life University in Georgia which was 2 1/2 hours away or more depending on traffic. We had to schedule our appointments on the weekends or late Friday's for checkups. Between school,our farm and baby appointments we had no down time. We were constantly on the go and then had farm work when we came home. I can remember walking our fields at midnight, the stars lighting up the night sky and my breath misting the air while we checked on baby lambs and Mamas. I'd fill up our sheep's water trough while singing Twinkle Little Star to the precious bundle growing inside of me. I miss those days.
I was over the moon to graduate in May 2012 as it gave me time inbetween working at a bakery to concentrate more on our growing blessing. We signed up for a Hypnobabies course in July which was the start of my 3rd trimester. I was excited to try it out as the reviews and videos I watched just astounded me. They made birthing look so easy so why not try it!?! š
The end of June found us hiking, kayaking and lake swimming with friends for a week! It was the hottest summer on record as temps were hitting 120°F with the heat index. I remember standing in front of our air conditioner and still feeling so hot and miserable. Being pregnant during the hottest part of summer was absolutely miserable. Felt like I just couldn't get cool enough.š„µ
Our friends left to go home on July 2nd and the morning of July 4th at 8:30am I walked outside and down our steps to talk with my husband who was washing his combine down when I felt it. I peed myself! I didn't feel like I had to pee but there lay a puddle on our second step. š³ I looked at my husband who glanced at me and I said " Either my water just broke or I just peed myself." He advised me to go in and call the midwife. I rushed back inside and checked myself in the bathroom. I was wet alright so I cleaned up, changed and put on a pad just in case. Afterwards I called the Midwife to let her know. She asked me a series of questions..."What color was it? I don't know...clear maybe. "Did it smell like pee?" I don't know. I didn't smell it. "Was I still leaking?" I don't think so but I put a pad on just in case. "Was I experiencing back pain, cramping or anything?" No, I feel fine. No cramping or anything. "It could be you just peed yourself which can happen. If you find your still leaking, you start cramping or experiencing any back pain or otherwise then call me." Ok, will do. Thank you so much!
I was fine all day...until 10pm that night when I started getting this awful lower back pain that just wouldn't go away. My husband thought maybe the Inversion Table would help if I was out somewhere so I hung upside down for just a bit. That didn't help. We ended up going to bed but I was in to much pain to sleep so I walked up and down our hallway for a bit then decided this didn't feel right and called our Midwife. She told me to get to the emergency room right away as from the sounds of it I was in active labour! I told her that can't be the case as today just marked 27 weeks. She told me to go now! I woke my husband up and told him we needed to head to the emergency room.
We arrived at 2am. I let them know what was going on and that just today marked my 27 weeks along. They took me back to a room to check me. The Doctor asked us if we knew the gender and we told her no. She checked me and told me I was 7cm dilated and this baby would be here soon! š She did an ultrasound and found there was little amniotic fluid left which means my water had broken! She asked me all kinds of questions but I was lost in a haze of fear. They quickly moved me to a room and gave me something to stop my labor until the NICU team from Knoxvilke, TN arrived via ambulance an hour and a half away. This was a nightmare, this just couldn't be happening! Today marked my ending of my second trimester and beginning my third trimester. This was to soon! Why was this happening now?! No one could tell me why my water had broken. Dehydration, something in the lakes you were swimming in may have led to an infection causing your water to break...only guesses no absolutes.
The female Doctor on duty came in and told us, "Let's hope its a girl. Girls are fighters so she'll stand a good chance of making it. If it's a boy prepare yourselves as he most likely won't make it as boys are much weaker." š³š³šš All I could think of was why tell me that. What the heck! Boy or girl it's up to God and my God is bigger, wait and see! Fear was running rampant between my husband and I but so was hope and faith that our baby would survive. I tried to tamper the fear down, not easy when the nurses looked at you with sympathy and you could see the doubt in their eyes. My husband and I prayed and trusted in the Lord to see us all through.
I remember laying there in the hospital bed wanting to get up to pee, to walk around as the back pain was awful. They wouldn't allow me to. I was so thirsty and they denied me water. I was given a few ice chips as they didn't want me throwing up during labor. What the what!?! I wanted water and who cares if I throw up. My mouth was so dry and I was over heating and in a lot of pain. A nurse came in and tried giving me something in my IV. I asked what she was giving me and she sheepishly looked at me and said pitocin, Doctors orders. I strictly told them no drugs of any kind and they tried to give it to me without my knowledge and or permission. That move right there floored my husband and I. š” We no longer trusted them. The Doctor came in and told me I needed to take the Pitocin as the NICU team was here and we needed to get active labour started again. I asked if we had time to wait and see if it would start on its own again as I didn't want to do the Pitocin unless it was absolutely necessary. She reluctantly agreed to wait. I asked to walk around, to get up but my request was denied. By 7am labour hadn't started so I reluctantly agreed to the Pitocin. My back pain intensified, my cramping came back in waves and with my feet in stirrups (the most uncomfortable position for a labouring woman ever!) she demanded I push! I was so HOT, dehydrated, in a lot of pain and I didn't feel the need to push but I pushed and pushed and felt like she wasn't giving me time to catch my breath inbetween them. They ended up putting an oxygen mask on me but that just made everything so much worse. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I was suffocating and they wouldn't take the dang thing off! The back pain was horrible! "Erica PUSH!! PUSH NOW!! Erica! PUSH! PUSH AGAIN!! NOW!! PUSH!" So much pushing and so much pain and then I felt something so small just slide out of me. "Congratulations, it's a BOY!!" A healthy cry ensued with announcement. The Doctor, "I can't believe it! His eyes are open and he seems to already be breathing on his own." She seemed stunned by this. The nurses called him "Scrappy" as he was indeed a fighter. I barely got a glimpse of him as the NICU team took him. He was never placed in my arms to hold, to welcome into our world, to say hello, it's so nice to finally meat you. They never gave me the chance just to look at him. They weighed and took all the measurements and then whisked my baby boy away. When they asked me for his name I knew what it was going to be even though we had no name picked out. We had been discussing the name Wyatt but that's a far as we got. My husband had mentioned a family name in passing but I had x-nayed it as I wasn't keen on it. That particular name popped into my head when they asked me. It was right, it fit, it was the name he was meant to have. I looked into my husbands eyes and told them William Jeffrey is his name. His eyes misted over and the biggest smile lit up this face. God is so good.
My husband left with the NICU team to be with our baby while I stayed behind. My In-Laws had shown up while I was birthing their grandson, which was such a blessing just knowing they were there. My bestie had also shown up although I had no idea she was there until I heard she'd left to follow the NICU team to the hospital. My husband sent pictures of our baby boy who was only 2.6lbs but thriving. He drove back to be with me that night and the following day after discharge we drove the hour and a half to see our miracle baby. š£š
2.6lbs & 17.5 inches long
The first time I made contact with my baby.
I'm not gonna lie NICU was hard, the monitors, the constant beeping, the fear when the alarms went off notifying you of a heart rate drop. The constant noise! All those preemie babies and a lot without someone there to hold and love them. š The NICU nurses were absolutely AH-MAZING!! They were so loving, so helpful and showed such compassion. They were always loving and holding onto the NICU babies, especially those whose parents weren't able to be there for one reason or another. The NICU nurses they made it a little easier, especially it night when I had to leave William. Having to leave unable to stay the night with him was the hardest. That 90 minute drive home away from him always had me breaking down. It was always an emotional drive home. With my husband still in school getting ready for finals it was always a lonely ride home. I was ever so thankful when family and friends came to visit or just brought food. It helped so much. ā¤ļøš
Grandma holding him for the first time. šš
From pregnancy to his birth it was an emotional roller coaster. I had issues with my milk coming in, and supplying enough for him. The stress of it all was taking a toll on me. Every day but one (we got lost in Georgia picking up a special farm dresser for our William) I was there to visit, to read to him, to sing to him, to hold him for as long as they let me. I hated leaving him there at night. I just wanted him home with me. Two months in the NICU saw him thriving so much so we finally were able to room together which was only supposed to be a night or two but it turned into a week as he kept losing weight instead of gaining due to my milk supply. š We decided to supplement with formula and soon he was at 5lbs and we were finally able to bring him home. Our 5lb miracle baby came home with us early September 2012! Praise the Lord!! We were a family!
The day we brought him home we took him to the park to see and experience nature and just being outside the hospital walls.
God is so good. HIS grace abounds.
William is now a thriving 9 year old who thinks he always knows best. š
William's birth was my first and last hospital birth. I'm ever so thankful to the Doctor and nurses who helped me, helped bring my baby into this world but it was an experience I didn't ever want to repeat.
The following three births of his siblings were with midwifes, water birth and using Hypnobabies. Beautiful and wonderful birthing experiences and they ALL arrived past their due date. š
God is so good!
Please know that each birth is beautiful and special whether in a hospital or an at home birth. Your birth is just as amazing and beautiful if you took Pitocin or anything else to help you with labour. Children are a blessing and such a beautiful miracle from above.ā¤ļøš£š
Always stay true and stand up for yourself and your baby! It's your birth, your body, your baby! Be able to compromise when needed though.
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